FAMILY CONSTELLATION
• Each person may see the family differently, depending on his/her birth order. Our position in the family is predictive, but not destiny. Alternatives are as close as your willingness to try new behavior.
• Understanding the influence of birth order can provide insight into how your child views the world.
• Learning how birth order has affected our own viewpoint can help deepen our understanding of how we view our children.
• Birth order perceptions are different from each other rather than being right or wrong.
• In improving relationships, consider building and strengthening existing characteristics instead of trying to change personality.
• In improving relationships, parents can be most influential by working on managing their own characteristics rather than attempting to make children change.
• Birth order differences and related interpersonal dynamics may arise between (1) children, (2) children and parents, or (3) parents.
Some Typical Birth Order Characteristics
The Only Child
adult oriented; high standards; contemplative; likes predictability; rational; self-focused
The Oldest Child
adult oriented; high standards; competent, careful; responsible, rule-oriented; being first important; tough ‘upper lip’
The Middle Child
the ‘squeezed’ child; fairness often an issue; arbitrators, peacemakers; instigates others; plays cards ‘close to the vest’; playful, avoids being told ‘no’
The Youngest Child
fun loving, charming; social, manipulative; engages others; action-oriented; more is not enough; may be ‘the baby’
Family Constellation Exercise
(1) What is your constellation position in your family of origin (only, oldest, middle, youngest)?
(2) What is the family constellation position of one of your children?
(3) What are two characteristics that each of you bring to the relationship?
You:
1)
2)
Your child:
1)
2)
(4) How is the relationship sometimes strengthened by these characteristics?
(5) How does your use of these characteristics sometimes create difficulty in your relationship?
(6) How could these characteristics be used as a strength in your relationship more often?
(7) How might you encourage your child to use his/her characteristics as strengths more often?